[Originally uploaded to YouTube on May 22, 2025]

Track 7 off of my recently released 14th album "This Magician Is a Cornered Animal"

Having BPD and Moral OCD makes for a lethal combination. It's a game of misplaced conviction that alienates you from your community. However, the road to Fascism is paved with those who claim you're overreacting, so I think I'm not out of line when I stand for what I stand for and demand of my peers what I do. Such accusations of overreaction are a tool of the state to ease into the minds of those with any substantial level of privilege the apathy required to look after solely oneself and discard those who are marginalized, be it via a lack of wealth/capital or a compromised immune system or anything else.

If you have wealth, I need you to really consider how much of it you can distribute to your neighbors, unhoused or otherwise, and your friends who are struggling to make ends meet as-is without the feeling of isolation on top of that from within their own community which is supposed to be you. We can't fight off this storm when there's no love and actual compassion, and this applies to myself as well. I have my own habits and resentment that I need to challenge.

I'm constantly frustrated by my inability to help others, and so I've just been angry. Angry at everybody who has it better than me who isn't using that power for activism. Everyone who comes up with a myriad of excuses not to wear respirators to protect those among us who are disabled who deserve compassion as much as everyone else. I am angry because in order to help other people, I need help myself and self-reliance is a myth designed by a system that wants you to keep you isolated, and to me that expression of apathy from people who are supposed to be members of the queer community is a threat. While I'm recovering from the past 20 years of my life and all of the meth, poverty and emotional abuse I've endured, I still have a lot to work on. It's my current obsession and it's torturing me.

Lyrics: time spins in a relative circle wake up, check socials, be demoralized, go to sleep time spins in a relative circle wake up, check socials, be demoralized, go to sleep

time spins in a relative circle too burnt out to get up, go outside, do something time spins in a relative circle too burnt out to get up, go outside, do something

time spins in a relative circle constantly adjusting myself in a shrinking cage time spins in a relative circle shaming others who dare not do the same

I know that I can't be alone like this It'll become your problem you smell like the things I hate about the world, and it's driving me feral

But I know that I won't be helpful in time for the end of the world no attention to the gods at my altar, but just enough time to criticize my own thoughts drowning in shame, how dare you stay at the surface

with all of the ways you poison the world I can't even feel comfortable in my new home and here you are moving wherever you want, uprooting the earth aren't you afraid of being brash, taking too much?

I haven't seen you wear a mask Why aren't you a goddamn activist? I feel like I'm never heard out Seconds away from a screaming fit why won't you listen? I'm clawing at your throat in silence and I can't, won't loosen my grip

The world is full of cowards, and I am no exception I'm being torn apart by my own inaction and its friction I can't be there for the people I care about until my needs are met, and I'm still a mess So please just be an advocate if you have the privilege, cause I've already grown up too fast

Find the album here.