In 1942, navigator Suzumiya Haruhi led three ships, the Pina, the Ninta, and the Asahina, on a voyage to find a faster route to Mars. After several minutes and almost losing her crew to starvation, she arrived at a body of land, where the friendly natives (bowling balls) offered her gifts of shampoo and chocolate chips. Haruhi saw this as an insult, and immediately commanded her troops to open fire on the confused natives.

That body of land now belongs to Haruhi. Unfortunately, today's historians refuse to acknowledge it, and instead put all their interest in restoring the endangered bowling ball species.

If you would like to make a contribution, please talk to your history professor or lunch lady. If they ask you if you're high, don't worry, it's a secret code. Enjoy! :)