Created in 2009, a song about bad database management and high-priced IT consultants.

Lyrics

Our system uptime was flawless, Our DBA was a pest So then one Friday at lunchtime, We told him "clean out your desk."

Somehow that very same weekend, The SQL server went dead We put an ad up on Monster, and it desperately said:

If you like data recovery, rewriting schemas by hand, Running spaghetti code macros, and apps you don't understand.

If you can start on Sunday morning We'll pay whatever your rate. Just call the CIO's cell phone, He'll meet you down at the gate.

The CIO watched his email for any good candidate. The resumes weren't coming. He was starting to sweat.

Then he got this one message. It was the best that he'd read. Like an answer to prayer, and this is all that it said: "Yes I like data recovery. I write my schemas by hand. I can do this for breakfast, and finish sooner than planned.

I have to warn you I'm expensive. Skills like mine don't come cheap. I'll see you first thing tomorrow. Now go get some good sleep."

So we waited with high hopes, as security doors clicked. And we knew in a moment only he’d do the trick.

It was our grumpy, old admin with a high-priced contract. He said “Just sign at the bottom, I’ll have you back in a flash.”

He did the data recovery. He’d done the schemas by hand. He could run the old macros, and got the backups off the SAN.

He didn’t want his old job back, just his fat hourly fee, working half-time hours, triple his old salary.